Are you in a relationship? Do you feel a bit of disconnect from your partner? Do you want to know how to keep the love burning? If you answer Yes to all, then read on because this is written especially for you. We will give you tips on how to keep the light in your relationship sparkling.

Sit back and think of your response to this question - What approach or philosophy about relationships or marriage would create the highest short and long term payoff in your life? In other words, what would be the best thing you could start doing or start doing more of to create more love and connection (or anything else) in your life and relationship?
Now, think about how you’d like this to be how you want your relationship to be most of the time - Maybe you want communication to be better between the two of you or you want more honesty and openness or you want to be ‘you’ most of the time and for some reason you aren’t able to be ‘you’; the underlisted simple 7 shifts (tips) can help make you create a stronger and a more loving relationship.

Don’t discount their simplicity, because it’s in their simplicity that you have power to create the kind of relationship you probably want more of.

SHIFT 1 – HONESTY
Ok, so most of us will assume that honesty as a philosophy is something that is a ‘given’ in relationships and pretty obvious; but the fact remains that honesty is absent in many relationships.
There may be a lot of love in the relationship but one person may not feel safe being honest and may not trust that he/she will be fully understood. There is a lot that isn’t said and a lot that is assumed. And, where there are assumptions, resentments usually follow.
Emotional honesty is sometimes the most difficult kind of honesty to deal with. But what we have discovered is that when we know what we are feeling, we are better able to interact with others and each other from a place of love and connection. When we are not trying to hide our feelings from ourselves or others, we are better able to move through difficulties.
Committing to emotional honesty, first with yourself is a very positive step towards creating your life and relationship the way you want.

SHIFT 2 – WILLINGNESS TO OPEN TO EACH OTHER
 The degree that you are able to open yourself to another is the degree of safety and trust that the two of you have between you.
Learn not to always ‘fix’ your partner, be more of a listener. When you listen more than trying to fix, you get a more willing and open partner. This approach creates more ease and flow in the relationship.
In every relationship we can choose to open a little deeper to one another to allow more trust, love and connection.
Be open to exploring how you can both repair your relationship and make it better. If you come to this discussion with a strong desire to come back together and a sense of possibility, some ideas will emerge that will help your reconnection.
Ask yourself how you can open more?

SHIFT 3 – ALWAYS HAVE AND KEEP A COMMITMENT TO CONNECTION
When you commit to connection, you have to challenge your ‘stories’, your defensiveness, being right and anything else that separates the two of you.
Committing to connection means paying attention when you get triggered and telling yourself something positive about your relationship or your true feelings for the person. At these times, it’s also helpful to remind yourself that you have made the commitment to connecting and keeping that connection strong.
When two people become disconnected for some reason or another, one of the best ways to regain connection as quickly as possible is to simply remember that you have made a commitment to do so.
Commitment to connection is important and it’s a great way to make any relationship better.
It takes no more energy and effort to work through issues, upsets and challenges than it does to stay upset and keep yourself distant and disconnected. If it requires the same amount of effort to create a connected relationship as a disconnected one, so why not go ahead and go for the best?
Whether we know it or not, we all want to connect deeper with someone or something.

In committed relationships, that connection that we may have felt in the beginning of our relationship may come and go, and when it goes, we really feel it. Connection is usually taken for granted until we feel its absence.

SHIFT 4 – TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU EACH WANT IN THE RELATIONSHIP
Chances are the romance may have faded a bit between the two of you or it might be other things that you want more of that you aren’t presently getting.
You say you love him – what do you want that love and your relationship to look like. He also needs to search his feelings and decide what kind of relationship he wants.
Have a sit-down with your partner and listen while he/she tells you his/her expectations in the relationship.  From his/her expectations you are able to compare if you both have the same expectations and striving towards the same goal.
There is absolutely no reason for you to stay in a relationship that your expectations of one another and your perception of the relationship are far apart and there is no meeting point.  

SHIFT 5 – FALLING INTO ROUTINE i.e.  THE ‘SAME OLD’, ‘SAME OLD’
Look for areas in your relationship that have turned monotonous or routine and bring fun back into that aspect.  Do something fun together that you haven’t done in a long time – laugh together, write love notes and put in places he/she will find them, take a trip together, relive the initial memorable moments in the relationship, be more creative and innovative. Do something special for your partner that makes you feel good.
Put the spark back into the relationship.
Taking a trip together doesn’t usually solve deep problems in a relationship but it can help you to reconnect with why you fell in love with each other.

SHIFT 6 – ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS
We are all frail and prone to falling short of expectations at a certain period in our lives; therefore you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationship over time; because as you spend time together with someone, you build knowledge, understanding and dependability. You are able to gain insight into another person’s character, needs, motivations and fears.
Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone, he/she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Unconditional love builds self-esteem in others and alleviates their fears of rejection. Your partner learns that they can be open with you about their feelings, opinions and failures without any fear of being judged. The end result is trust that grows steadily and strongly, not because the person is perfect but because he/she is growing in honesty.

SHIFT 7 – TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF AS WELL
You can’t ever be perfect, no one can be perfect and therefore you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person.
The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow together.
Every human relationship is fallible and will suffer hurt at a point in time; the most important thing is, we learn to be better forgivers and confessors. The ability to reconcile and the spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment.
The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again.
Love helps to nourish trust while commitment and honesty help provide accountability to one another.

So, do you think these shifts can help make your relationship stronger? We challenge you to try them and you will be amazed at the results.
Our advice is to try one shift at a time before moving to the next one, this will allow you to focus on one aspect of your relationship at a time.

Remember, love is a beautiful thing and can only be appreciated if you are in love in all totality.
So kick off your shoes, roll up your sleeves and get ready for a rollercoaster ride with your partner.
Enjoy the ride!