‘Who gives this woman to this man?’ I do!

This is one of the most important aspects of any wedding ceremony, when the Father of the bride stands before God and witnesses and voluntarily gives the hand of his daughter and princess out to another man thereby shelving his responsibilities and authority over the life of his little girl. Most Fathers will tell you that this is one area where they dread and find so difficult to let go.

So, what exactly is the bond that exists between the Father and Daughter? Is there really a bond or just all myth? Well, we have done the research and we leave you to be the judge.

Father-Daughter
Do you realize that the most important thing in a young girl’s life is her FATHER!
Fathers and daughters are moving quickly to a whole new kind of connection. It is a connection that is increasingly and very healthy gender-neutral. A good predictor of an adolescent girl's mental health is her relationship with her father.
Fathers have an important role - they protect, they provide love and attention, they teach and regulate. A father carves the way for their daughter’s lives, and when a father strengthens and rebuilds his bond with his daughter, it shapes her life and his for the better. No matter how much a father loves his daughter, if he doesn’t realize what a girl child usually expects of him, his relationship with her would be strained. There is something parentally unique in the bond between fathers and daughters; "Daddy's girl" is a compliment while "momma's boy," well, maybe he'll grow out of it.

What Girls seek in their Fathers?

•    Strength – Protection (Physically and mentally) - Girls seek for a sense of protection and safety from their fathers. They feel that fathers should be available when needed. The real value of a father in a girl’s life is that it is from fathers that girls learn about the opposite sex; how they think, act and speak. Girls would like their fathers to be gentle, respectful and allow them to be assertive towards them; and fathers should realize that they are creating an image in their daughters’ mind about how a boy / husband will act, thus set a good example for her future relationships.
•    Patience - A girl would like to see patience in their fathers. A father who is patient would be a good listener, not assuming half way through, understand what she is going through, and be there more as a friend than a parent.
•    Interest in her life (Guidance, Encouragement, Support) - A daughter would like her father to get involved in activities with her. To spend quality time with her in activities she enjoys like outdoor games, volunteering work, school work and household chores. A girl looks up to her father for guidance and encouragement in her activities, and what better way to show your support, than through involvement in the same.
•    Respect and Love - Girls would like to be respected and loved by their fathers. Though fathers love their daughters they very rarely show it, while in reality girls miss the unconditional love from their fathers, unlike their mothers' love, which is very open and tangible.
•    Vision - Girls like to see their fathers speak in words of hope, with a vision for their future. They love to hear positive remarks from their fathers, which in turn could determine their destiny.

PUBERTY
One critical time a daughter needs her father is during Adolescence, when she is changing physically and is beginning to question who she is as an adult. It is important to note that this is often the time the father begins to show less affection. It is one of the most wrenching and confusing times in the lives of many fathers and daughters when the shoulder rides and tickle fights come abruptly to an end.
The sexual component of that is undeniable. A teenage girl is entering adolescence and going through the outward and often awkward change that goes along with puberty, her father pulls away from her because he is not comfortable with his daughter's new sexuality. So, just at the point when she needs approving hugs from her dad the most, he is less likely to give them to her, and she may not understand why he is pulling away; she may think he approves of her less. This gap is oftentimes not bridged and Fathers and daughters often never regained their former connection. One reason can be, as daughters grow up, there is less and less to bond father and daughter beyond the love they have for each other.

Girls who enter puberty later generally had fathers who were active participants in care giving, Fathers who were supportive of the girls' mothers, or had positive relationships with their mothers. The fathers' involvement, rather than the mothers', seems to be paramount to the age of the girls' development. Researchers believe that girls have evolved to experience early socialization, with their "antennae" tuned to the fathers' role in the family (both in terms of father-daughter and father-mother relationships), and that they may unconsciously adjust their timing of puberty based on their fathers' behavior.

Girls who are raised in father-absent homes or dysfunctional father-present homes experienced relatively early pubertal timing. One biological explanation is that girls whose fathers are not present in the home may be exposed to other adult males - stepfathers or their mothers' boyfriends and that exposure to pheromones (chemical substances that exude an aroma which is a sexual stimulant) produced by unrelated adult males accelerates female pubertal development. The flip side of this theory is that a girl who lives with her biological father in a positive environment is exposed to his pheromones and is inhibited from puberty, perhaps as a natural incest avoidance mechanism. Girls who live with their fathers, but have a cold or distant relationship with them, would not be exposed to their fathers' pheromones as much as those who have more interaction, therefore causing daughters in the distant relationship to reach puberty earlier.

In his daughter's young life, a father is traditionally the provider and the rule-maker. But when his daughter becomes a young teenager, he needs to make a shift toward being an adviser, confidant, or guidance counselor. Instead of imposing rules, he can listen and allow his child to take some of the responsibility for making decisions and gradually take on a more adult role while providing the emotional security, nurturing, and warmth that she needs.

CAREER & RELATIONSHIP
Fathers know the job of protector now includes preparation for a life that, for a time or maybe permanently, does not factor in a husband.
As a result, fathers who might have once defined their role as helping their daughters prepare to be good wives, now see it as preparing them to make and manage money, compete for jobs, handle relationships and be tough.
With abundant allowance for exceptions, Boys do not want to fail their fathers while Daughters want to make them proud; therefore Father is the hammer and Mother is the unconditional love.

Research has shown the following:
1.    Girls with good communication with their fathers also had significantly better communication with their boyfriends when compared to girls with low communication with their fathers.
2.    Girls with high levels of trust with their fathers also had significantly better communication and trust with their boyfriends.
3.    Finally, time spent with their fathers was not associated with communication, trust or time spent with their boyfriends.
One interpretation is that these girls learn to create secure attachments with their dads, which allow them to have a more positive relationship with their boyfriends (more trust and better communication). It is also possible that fathers contribute to the modeling/development of good communication skills and trust, which affect how these girls interact with their boyfriends. However, it is also possible that this reflects an individual characteristic of the girls themselves and is not necessarily a reflection of the quality of the father-daughter bond. That is, it is possible that girls who have good communication with their fathers simply have a specific temperament or communication styles/skills that facilitate the development of good father-daughter communication, and it is this individual characteristic that also leads to better communication with their boyfriends. But more than likely a combination of individual characteristics and child-parent relationships is the driving effect.

Various parenting style that impact the family:
•    Fathers who use control, domination and force do not see the positive outcomes they want.
•    Fathers who are generous, kind and loving are much more likely to have long-term relationships with their children after those children leave home.
•    Fathers who invest in family life rather than their own interests are more likely to have family members meet the goals set for them.
•    Being a loving and caring person is more important than anything else.
•    Fathers are more effective when they show active leadership.
•    Fathers can sometimes be too harsh and intrusive.
•    It's OK not to be perfect.
•    Being a good provider isn't always about money and things.
•    Laughter and fun are essential, not just nice.

The key word is intentional. Fathers who are more strategic and less reactionary are better fathers. It is critical that fathers be intentional, that they be daily caretakers that invest emotion, time and energy in family life. Phrases such as, 'Do as I say or pay the price' are very ineffective. Fathers must also have a true partnership with their spouses.
These things are critical, because we leave indelible images on the souls of our children. Make sure the flag your children carry with them into their own family is a wonderful one.

Fathers, we hope this article will help you forge and nurture a blooming and rich father and daughter relationship, which will result in a fruitful future for both of you.

And, ladies, now you know why your Dad is the way he is; you will always be his little girl no matter how old you are and above all because he loves you very much and wants only the BEST for his princess.

Ask yourself why dont they allow the mother walk the bride to the altar?

Article culled from Randle Day - Deseret News Publishing Co
Excerpts from Phame Camarena and Society for the Advancement of Education, womensenews.org and Bizymoms.com
References: Nemeth, Ansary, Seiden, & Keith (2009) - Father-Daughter bonds and the quality of daughter’s romantic relationships: Are the two significantly linked
Donnellan, M., Larsen-Rife, D., & Conger, R. (2005) - Personality, Family History, and Competence in Early Adult Romantic Relationships.
Hoeve, M., Dubas, J., Eichelsheim, V., Laan, P., Smeenk, W., & Gerris, J. (2009). The Relationship between Parenting and Delinquency