Starting off this article, are two questions by 2 users;
QUESTION -
He is 28 and i am 35 and we have been going out for 5 years. We are about to settle down but this age gap is the problem, he feels somehow about this. To me there is no problem but the way he feels about this is somehow affecting me but the fact is that i love him so much and leaving him now is a problem to me and i think he feel the same 2. Pls Advice us on what to do before we make mistakes.
Asked 11 months ago by Chy-Chy - Nigeria
http://www.www.namywedding.com/advice/questions/202-advice-me-on-what-to-do-please
Am in my late 20’s and a man of 50 years of age yet to be married is asking for my hand in marriage. Please house advice me on what to do.
Asked by catherine Anaborhi Ekuferere – Nigeria
ANSWER
According to the popular belief in India, marriages are made in heaven but solemnized on earth. However, in the fast paced modern world, the definitions are varying drastically. In the contemporary world, marriages are more so ‘man made’. At the same time the age difference in marriage, which used to be a big issue in the earlier times, does not seem to be an issue at all. As the society is experiencing a change, there are many unconventional practices, coming to the fore front and age disparity is one of them.
There are a number of reasons, such as women empowerment, societal advancement and bold sexual preferences, responsible for the prevalent phenomena in which age difference between couples has ceased to be an issue. On one hand, we see an age difference of hardly a few months, one the other, there is 15 years age gap. However, the consequences of the alterations in the marriage and lifestyle norms can actually disfigure the whole system. To know more about the extreme as well as the ideal age difference in couples, read on.
Marriage is a constant work in progress and it take two ppl working together doing team work and being there to support each other to the best of their abilities. As long as you can communicate with her and work though your problems with love, care, dignity and respect then there isn't anything you can't work through in life. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
For instance if your parents frown at your choice for age reasons, you can respectfully disagree with your parents, and let them know that you get that they want what's best for you and want you to be happy with someone. However, this is your life and you're the only one that can live it. You should know by now if you'll be happy and if you want to be with this girl and to marry her one day. What truly matters is if you both love each other, want to be together and you just can't see your life w/o her in it. Then she's the right one for you, a person just knows that in their heart.
Extreme Gap
As the age barriers in the institution of marriage are gradually fading away, people are becoming more courageous and adventurous. The latest trend in the marriage market is young guys baiting older women and vice versa. According to the traditional customs and beliefs, the bride was always supposed to be younger than the groom. However, this age gap was usually kept to somewhere between 8, 5 now 2 years but now it’s even made wider because nowadays its one can marry his/her mate and now one younger.
In the present scenario you will find instances, wherein the bride is ‘ages’ younger than the groom. That means the age difference can be anything more than ten years. Though at times, a wide age gap between two partners might not pose any problem at all, quite a number of times it is seen that in the long run, differences do surface up. Some of the major issues which might bother the couple in such kind of a relation are:
- Infidelity is the biggest threat to a relation, especially when the woman is considerably older than the man. Moreover the higher the age difference, the greater the risk.
- Generation Gap is another factor which might spoil a relation in case of a wide age gap. Differences in lifestyle, moral values and even petty things related to daily life like hobbies, may make the couple unable to relate with each other. The situation can worsen, if the peer of any of the spouse is of opposite sex and gets more attention.
- Sex Drive Disparity can also be termed as a major factor of dispute in such couples. If the age gap is more than 15 years, both the partners will have a completely different perception and preference towards sexual activity. This may eventually lead to problems.
Ideal Age
If we talk about ideal age difference in a marriage, it should be anything between 3 to 5 years but too good today there's non such thing as ideal age. If we go by biology, men mature later than women and therefore need time to be able to shoulder the responsibilities of the family. This has been one of the major reasons behind choosing an older guy. However, for ambitious, career oriented girls, it is advised not to delay the marriage, beyond limits. As it might become a problem in relation with their biological clock. Moreover, even if the guy is younger than the girl, the age gap should not be too great.
References –
lifestyle.iloveindia.com
Listen I don’t think age will ever be a problem to your relationship with him. I think you both need to understand each other fist. I wish you future weeding. enjoy