“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” ~ Doug Larson.

Just mention the word “mother-in-law” and many women will cringe as they consider their own experiences. Some women are reluctant to share the limelight with their son’s wives and as a result, they do not get along with them. I hardly know of woman who didn't complain much about their mother in laws. Only very few women will say that their mother in law is a very nice person who is not imposing and is very easy going. Mother-in-laws who are humble and accepting of their daughter-in-laws are a rare breed.

Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are family partners fused together by circumstance and law. The mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship is without question, complicated. Any woman who may have chosen to join with her partner in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his family. By the sheer nature of the relationship, she is expected to melt into a household of folks that are often unfamiliar and at times very different from her family of origin.

A daughter-in-law can do a lot to enhance the relationship with their mother-in-law. Here are some ways in which this can be done:

Make a determined effort: It is your determination that can make you successful in getting your mother-in-law to like you. Make this the primary goal in your relationship with her. After all, your husband - the person you married and you look upon as your soul-mate or lifelong companion owes his very existence in this world to her. Though it often may seem like your husband didn't exist before he met you., he did and you can thank his mother for his existence. She has played a major role in his all round development; she has molded and guided him to success and has made a significant contribution in getting him to the level that he is now. Surely, you indirectly owe her some gratitude,. Or don't you?

Treat her son well: The most important thing you can do to impress your mother-in-law is to treat her son well. Every mother wants her son to have a lovely, faithful, devoted wife (just like her), so if you’re all of those things, she’ll be sure to adore you!
Most mother-in-laws are just afraid of losing their sweet little son, and want the best for them; it does not matter how far you have come in building up a relationship with your mother-in-law, you will ruin it in an instant if you mistreat your husband in any way. That means refraining from sharing the intimate details of arguments, as well as avoiding more serious issues such as cheating and lying. A mother will automatically defend her son over the wife, even if he is partly to blame. She will not want to see the worst in her son (which she sees as a slight on how he was raised), but rather focus the attack on her daughter-in-law.

Get your husband to deal with his mum: One of the most effective ways to deal with your difficult mother-in-law is to have your husband to be on your side, and to get him to deal with his mom. Share with your husband how you feel about the whole situation, and get him to understand what you are going through and empathize with you. Your husband needs to stand up for you, protect you and be the head of your household. He needs to tell his mother to give you a chance to manage your own household and your own children. This can be one of the trickiest things to do, and you have to use a lot of wisdom and patience to get your message across or you might antagonize your husband.

Arrange for 1-1 time with your husband: a wife must realize she's not the only woman in her husband's life – he also has a mother. One of the greatest fears that many mothers-in-law have is that their married sons will not have as much time to spend with them as they used to. Wives can help to allay these fears by actually arranging for their husband to spend time alone with their mother. They (wives) can then use that time to themselves to spend in any way they choose. The end result is usually gratitude and appreciation from the mother-in-law. She will often relax and see the wife more as a daughter and ally, rather than as the “other woman”.

Don’t expect your mother-in-law to change — or your mother-in-law problems to be solved overnight: People can and do change, but it’s not realistic to stay in your relationship and expect your mother-in-law problems to suddenly disappear! Generally, controlling in-laws won’t do an about face and start welcoming you to their family gatherings. Be realistic. Remember that you can’t change anyone but yourself. Don’t ask or expect your husband or his parents to act or think differently. You have to let them be who they are and win them over through your attitude towards them.

Be Open and develop a loving relationship with her: Treat your mother-in-law the way you’d want your husband to treat your mother. Be respectful, tactful, and honest towards your mother-in-law. Whether you like her or not, she is the mother of your spouse. Treat her with respect and honesty, and she will most likely reciprocate. In tension-filled moments or anger-rousing scenarios, learn to hold your tongue. Avoid angry outbursts. Conflicts between you and your mother-in-law can be better addressed with a cool head and a mind not beclouded by spite.
Use tact and diplomacy rather than confrontation or violence. Learn to like your mother-in-law. If you actively strive to find the good side of your mother-in-law while at the same time learning to accept her bad side, you will get along better with her. Compliment her from time to time, or even allow her to take center stage occasionally, but avoid over patronizing her. The corollary to this piece of advice is that you must also give your mother-in-law the chance to like you. That is, win her over by putting your best foot forward. Try not to be overbearing or overly docile. Instead, stand your ground and disagree on things worth disagreeing. Just make sure you disagree without being disagreeable.

Ask for her advice: The stereotypical mother-in-law will dish out minute advice about issues as how to raise kids, treat your spouse and housekeep properly. She will also watch as her daughter-in-law cooks and say that the meat is too tough, rare or just not right. The vegetables are too soggy and the stew is too salty. The list goes on.
One thing that a daughter-in-law can do is try to develop a thick skin and not take these assaults personally. They are not the same as insults, but they can easily feel like assaults against everything she knows she can do. She can also nod and smile sweetly as she actually asks for advice. This is often unexpected, as the mother-in-law listens in amazement. Every mother-in-law, in fact, every woman, likes to be asked her opinion on everything, from child-rearing, to cooking, to stain removal to housekeeping. Ask your mother-in-law for advice, and take her suggestions and opinions seriously. This will show her you respect her, which she’ll love.

Ask for a recipe: Chances are, your husband fondly recalls at least one dish or dessert his mother used to make, whether it’s her vegetable soup, melon soup etc. Don’t bother to try and make it the way YOU make it… instead, impress and flatter your mother-in-law by asking her for her recipe, or better yet, ask her to show you how to make it! It’s a win-win — you get to learn to make a dish your husband loves, and your mother-in-law feels important and appreciated, and gets to remember her son as a little guy, digging in to his favorite meal.

Keep your house tidy: Even if your mother-in-law is a complete slob when it comes to her own housekeeping, she’ll never forgive you if your house is anything less than tidy. Hopefully, she won’t be the type to run a white-gloved finger along your table to look for dust…. but when you know she’s coming, make sure your house is neat and clean, no matter how much you hate housekeeping.

I know in some churches (Orthodox) during a wedding ceremony, the mother of the groom is called out to make a vow/promise before God and the witnesses present not to through any means create, incite or maliciously cause any form of disruption in the marriage and leave them to live their lives as a couple and as they deem fit.

Remember, you will one day be a mother-in-law, how will you want your own daughter-in-law to perceive and receive you.

There are so many myths and half-truths out there about mothers-in-law, but it is now left to a lady to sieve through these and fashion out her own truths and do everything within her power to be at peace with her in-laws whether they are controlling or nice.