Am i doing the right thing??
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I met this guy when i was in the university. He caught my attention because he was a good dresser and was my studying the same course, though a year ahead of me. We dated for a while, being a jjc i was just having my fun and didn't want anything serious. He was so caring, when i realised that he is not my type, i slowly slipped away from. During my final year in school, i called him to get some textbooks from him, i was single and desperately searching, he asked me out again, this time i couldn't picture myself going out with him. Ask me why? He was the local type with not so polished accent and English, he started a business which was doing well and became the typical "afia" man. he mixed a lot with his business people who where a lot worse than him which explains the bad English.
To cut the long story short, i was bored and he seized the opportunity to take me out, provide for me, etc. this has been going on for like 4 years now. i really do like him but he is not all i want in a man. He has proposed to me, and i accepted, but i no deep sown that this is not what i want!
I wanta man that will sweep me off my feet, whisper sweet noting to my ears, take me out on romantic dinner dates. He is not at all romantic and i am beginning to see the boring side of him.
He is the only man i can trust not to break my heart or cheat on me. He is very caring and can never hurt me. my friends say i am crazy, not to jump on this chance since i am getting old, he provides for me, and makes me laugh.
I am so confused and have to ask if marrying him is wrong!
Am i doing the right thing?
Sandysilver
Sori 2 say this 'u dnt know wot u want and wot u'v got'. U are building castles in d air. U trust him,he makes u laugh,cares 4 u. Wot else do u want/need? If i may ask, do u want him 2 live d type of life u want only 2 change after wedding? If u dnt luv him, tell him. It is better u break his heart now than when u become his wife. Wish u d best and pls make a wise decision
in a good marriage you can not get all you need/ want in a man, if he love you, accept him, you could change him and make him what you want in a man, someone who is romantic, speak fruently and presentable might not be able to provide for you. then you will complain much
First of all you should never marry someone in the hopes that you can change their personality! If he is like dis now and has been like this for most of his yrs, you can only try and God help you that you do not end up becoming a "nag". How would you like it if you wife in her bid to "change you" to suit the man she wants, starts telling you that your accent is bad and you should take english classes, you should stop hanging out with certain ppl cos of the way they will influence your "tushness". I think if you want to be with someone you should only hope that they will want to better themselves for you and not force your changes and "dreams for an ideal partner" on them!
- IB added 7 months agona wa oh! u seem confused. first you said he seized the opportunity to provide for you and at the end you said he provides for you and makes you laugh. what else do you want then? from what i read he has a good personality and it looks like his good sides outweigh his bad sides. if he is not doing certain things or is slacking in certain areas......you can always talk to him. communication is the key. why throw away 75% for 20% that you can try to correct? i would advice you to pray and think so that you dont make any mistakes
...d earlier u realised no 1 iz perfect d better 4 u..if the only flaw u c in him iz his poor diction,den u can help him perfect it,watelse do women want in a man,if not 4 him 2 b luving,caring and faithful...wish u luck gal,and plz dont look at ur age as being 2 old 2 try sum1 else if truly u dont c urself coping wiv him wen married,coz its gonna b a lyftym contract.....wish u da best.
Hi dear, first thing is first.. set your priorities straight.. what do u really want?.. then sit down and draw up a list of qualities you want in your man.. from what u'v said i think you are a bit vain about the type of man you want. All the romantic stuff can be changed with time, but the character remains. You said he makes you laugh, thats a whole lot... When you sit down and think of him.. does it make u happy?, do u feel content and peace? then go ahead then, but he doesn't, retrace your steps..
Above all, have you spoken to the Almighty?, try him today, pray & fast and ask him if that man is really for you, then if he is u'l love him despite his shortfalls. Only remember that no one is perfect.. only you can make him perfect for you.. All the best!
am sorry if am going to be so harsh on you but you got what you deserve oooo common you knew right from the start that he wasnt your type and that you "quietly" slipped away then when you became desperate you decided to use him till you find the Mr Right which unfortunately you haven't yet found after 4years of searching . you should have not even allowed the guy to build his hope so high to the extend that he propose to you and the worst part is that you accepted chai now you are looking for help on how to break the poor guy's heart oga oooo firstly you need to realize what you did to the guy was so wrong then the only way to move on is to sit him down and let him know what you are feeling and what you find fault in him if he is willing to listen and change then you have no problem and lastly examine yourself and pray about this. I think you are just making excuses cos if all this is affecting you how did you cope for 4years? you just wasted both your time and his o
I wish i could give you a hug! you just said the right thing jare! i just hope samantha (the question author) takes not of this and handles this issue very carefully or else she is probably setting herself up for a very "interesting" future!
It will be well with both of them oh!
This is a confusing situation, you didnt love him, still you stayed with him for 4 years and he found qualities in you that made him desire you as his wife. Then you must be doing something right. Thats how i see it. And he genuinely loves you, if anything, don't throw that away. Lets put desperation and romance aside, sometimes you have to think with your head. Be realistic in your thinking and decisions. And PRAY hard. God'll guide you! *hugs*
Think of if u can help out "iron out the creases" in his life.Find out if he is sb with a positive outlook on self improvement.If he is, stay. If not, pls leave him alone. But before you do pls look at yourself also u may not be as perfect as you ought.Find a middle ground.
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It seems like it's all about you ?. I have heard nothing about your own contribution to this relationship. So far, this guy sounds like he is fully committed to this relationship and has made you the center of his world and all you can see is that he is not "a whats up guy". So you can help brush him up/socialize him if that is what is important to you.
- chidinma Nwokorie added 7 months agoThis guy sounds like a dream for most woman. Like Ngozi said, you have to determine what you want and need in a patner and assess your love for this guy before you go any further, Otherwise you become a leech to this guy and that will be so unfair.